By Mel Whitlock
With less than a minute to play for a berth in Virginia’s 2A Boys’ Basketball State Final Four, an angry parent stormed the court to protest a series of technical fouls called against his son’s team who was only trailing by five. Shortly thereafter, chaos ensued, and the referees ended the contest to hand the victory over to the other team by disqualification and/or default. This op-ed is specifically regarding the growing concerns I have witnessed in recent years, in the earliest of ages, where parents have toxified the sport in which their child participates.
Last year, while I was coaching a game for my sons’ youth basketball league, I observed a parent of the other team mocking my oldest son for nervously getting the ball stuck on the goal. Instinctively, I wanted to confront the parent for loudly laughing and making comments against my kid making a basic basketball error; however, I still had a responsibility to support every player on the court, including those on the other team, so I just started coaching them up, but especially my son. The next 3 possessions, my son ended up scoring and I looked at the parents who laughed at him and said “was that bucket funny?” each time he scored. Of course, they said nothing, but even practicing what one preaches gets tweaked a little when it comes to your child…so I get it!
However, I do want to stress that I do not like the direction of some parental toxicity I am observing in today’s youth sports that ultimately seeps its way into middle and high school competition here in southwest Florida. If you know me in person, then you know that if my sons are participating in a sport, then most likely I am coaching their team. I do this for a few reasons: (1) I can coach unbiased and hold my child equally accountable, (2) I want to make sure my sons are being taught the game and not just being with a coach who does not know the game or how to compete, and (3) I have seen first hand how athletes are under developed athletically and behaviorally when they get to the high school level; therefore, even if I coach a kid one year in recreation, I hope it can put them on the correct path of athletic success for middle and high school.
In 2023, the Clewiston High School football team had their season suspended after an on-field brawl between players included some parents leaving the stands to confront or restrain other players and/or coaches. In 2022, a fall league basketball game at Mariner High School made headlines when a Dunbar parent left the stands and punched an Ida Baker basketball coach over an on the court scuffle between players. Southwest Florida is not without controversy when it comes to parents lacking the restraint to avoid injecting toxicity into youth sports, and it took me coaching youth sports to fully understand that collectively, parents must do a better job of providing healthy support for their children and their children’s team, at the earliest levels of competition
Below are some practical steps for parents to support their children’s athletic development that will be beneficial when their child plays on more competitive levels for middle and high school:
- Consider coaching your child’s team if you have an athletic background especially
- Remember your child’s coach is a volunteer and does not get paid. Thanking your child’s coach and buying snacks for the team goes a long way
- Cheer for every child and their success, and the other parents will do the same for your child I promise
- Get to know the other parents, and avoid talking down on kids who are simply trying to learn how to compete
To all the parents out there who are working hard to help their children experience athletic success, keep supporting youth leagues in and around Lee County. Emotionally, behaviorally, and financially these sporting leagues are the lifeline for our programs on the high school level to be successful. Nonetheless, the Bible teaches “train up a child right and his days will be long,” so before you scream at the umpire at your sons Perfect Game baseball league for missing a pitch, trash-talk about a kid on your daughter’s team for getting too much playing time at an NFL Flag game in Gateway, or talk about the coach not liking your child at the Southwest Florida Youth Basketball League game at Evangelical Christian School; I ask that you consider how your actions and comments will influence your child’s pursuit of athletic success in the future.
