Dr. Vernon Brown, the Dunbar Shade Tree PHD
Congratulations.
If you’re reading this, that means:
You’ve made it to the golden years, and
You’re still curious about what’s going on below the belt.
Bravo! That alone deserves a standing ovation (or at least a slow clap from the knees).lol. Society may have tried to retire your libido along with your AARP card, but I’m here to remind you: just because there’s a little snow on the roof doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire in the furnace.
In fact, sex in your later years can be like fine wine—more complex, more enjoyable, and less likely to be spilled on the carpet in a moment of reckless enthusiasm. You’ve had time to learn, grow, and ideally figure out what buttons to push and which ones are clearly labeled “do not disturb.”
But we’re not here for just a pep talk. You came for ideas. Strategies. Tactics. Maybe even some light stretching exercises. So pour a glass of prune juice (or something stronger—I’m not judging), prop your feet up (or your partner), and let’s dive into “How to Keep Your Sex Life Exciting After 60”, one laugh and wiggle at a time.
1. Throw Out the Rule Book
(But Keep the Manual If You Need It)
Forget what you thought sex “had” to be in your 20s. Back then, it may have been fast, spontaneous, and performed on surfaces that now make your sciatica wince just thinking about it.
Now? It’s about comfort, creativity, and a healthy respect for orthopedic pillows.
Don’t be afraid to redefine what intimacy means. A sensual massage? That’s foreplay. Holding hands in the kitchen while eating leftover pie? That’s connection. Reenacting a scene from Bridgerton with a heating pad strapped to your lower back? That’s… ambitious, but also intimacy.
2. Communicate Like You’re Plotting a Heist
Want to spice things up? Talk about it. Not just in passing. I’m talking full-on pillow talk with the energy of two retirees planning to rob a casino.
You might say:
- “Hey, honey, remember that thing we tried in ‘84? What if we tried it again but this time with less carpet burn?”
- “I read about edible massage oil. Want to test it on your elbow first and see where it goes?”
- “Would you rather role-play as a pirate and a governor or just lie naked and eat cheese?”
The secret sauce to exciting senior sex? Curiosity + Communication + Consent = Magic.
And if your partner says, “I don’t know,” reply with: “Well, we’ve got all night and a bottle of Merlot. Let’s find out.”
3. Lube Is Not Optional. It’s Mandatory after 60’s
Let’s have an honest moment. Mother Nature is a beautiful, majestic lady, but sometimes she takes things without asking. Like collagen. And natural lubrication.
So let’s not pretend we’re 22 anymore and just “wing it.” That’s how hips get thrown and egos bruised. Lube is your new best friend. Water-based, silicone, warming, flavored—there’s a whole aisle at the pharmacy dedicated to ensuring you don’t sound like a rubber boot in a mud puddle every time you get intimate.
Stock up. Experiment. And remember: if you’re embarrassed buying it in person, that’s what discreet online shipping is for.
4. Stretch Before You Strut
Let’s not underestimate the power of flexibility. Not metaphorically—literally. Want to try that new position you saw in that article? You’re going to need a gentle pregame warm-up.
Before sex, do a few stretches. A couple toe-touches. Rotate the hips. Maybe some deep breathing. Not only will this prevent muscle cramps mid-thrust (nobody wants to have to scream for help while tangled in Egyptian cotton), it’ll also enhance circulation—which is great news for all involved organs.
Bonus: Partner stretching doubles as foreplay. “Let me help you with that hamstring” has more potential than you think.
5. Try Toys—They Don’t Have to Buzz Like a Lawnmower
If you haven’t walked into the 21st-century toy chest yet, what are you waiting for? There’s something out there for every comfort level—from elegant little gadgets that look like they belong in a museum, to devices that require charging cables and a sense of adventure.
Toys can help with arousal, sensation, and even mobility issues. That’s right—some gadgets are ergonomically designed for folks who can’t twist like a pretzel anymore.
And yes, you can absolutely use them alone or with your partner. Share the experience, laugh when things go sideways (or buzz in the wrong direction), and treat it like what it is: grown-up playtime.
6. Schedule It—But Make It Sexy
We schedule everything else in life: doctor visits, dinner with friends, oil changes. Why do we think sex has to be spontaneous or not at all?
Setting the mood doesn’t kill the mood—it creates it. Put it on the calendar. Call it something cute like “Tuesday Tango” or “Naked Thursday” or “Operation: Make the Neighbors Jealous.”
Anticipation is sexy. So is putting effort into your partner. And frankly, at this stage, you’ll both appreciate knowing when to shave your knees or take the extra arthritis meds ahead of time.
7. Laugh During (and After) Sex
Spoiler alert: weird noises will happen. Knees will crack. You might pass gas at a crucial moment or fall off the bed because someone got “a little too excited.”
This is normal.
In fact, if you’re not laughing during sex, you’re missing out on one of the greatest joys of getting older: not taking it all so seriously.
So giggle. Be goofy. Embrace the ridiculous. Nothing kills a mood like perfectionism, and nothing heats it back up like saying, “Well, that wasn’t quite what we planned, but I’m still naked and into it.”
8. Explore Fantasies — Even the Tame Ones
You don’t need leather swings or a full dungeon to explore fantasies (though if that’s your vibe, you have my full support and a safe-word suggestion).
Sometimes, it’s as simple as:
- Pretending to be strangers at a hotel bar.
- Dressing up like your partner’s high school crush (glasses optional).
- Reading each other romantic passages from a steamy novel.
- Watching a racy movie and pretending you’re film critics. With benefits.
You’ve got imagination, privacy, and no kids barging in anymore. Use that to your advantage.
9. Reignite the Romance Beyond the Bedroom
Exciting sex begins before you’re naked. It starts in the little things:
- Flirty texts.
- Long kisses in the hallway.
- A love note on the mirror.
- Sharing a memory of a wild night from your early days.
You’re still growing together. Falling in love again at every stage. Keep dating. Keep seducing. Keep reminding each other that you’re still here, still hot (yes, even with bifocals), and still deeply, unapologetically human.
10. Get Help If You Need It. Seriously.
There’s no shame in asking your doctor about changes in libido, ED, vaginal dryness, or anything else. Medical professionals have seen it all, and half of them are Googling the same stuff in their off hours.
Medication, hormone therapy, pelvic floor therapy, or even a simple blood pressure adjustment can work wonders.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, consider couples therapy—or even sex therapy—to explore new avenues of connection. There’s no expiration date on sexual joy, and if something’s not working, it can be fixed. Or upgraded. Or laughed about until it is.
Final Thoughts, You Beautiful Dirty-Minded Legends
The truth is this: sex doesn’t end when youth fades. It evolves. It deepens. It becomes a place not just for lust, but for trust, comfort, joy, and yes, ridiculous amounts of giggling.
Whether you’re 65 or 85, flying solo or partnered up, it’s not too late to spice things up. You are not past your prime—you’re in a different prime. A tastier, wiser, “let’s not do it on the floor unless there’s a plan to get back up” kind of prime.
So get out there (or in there—your call), light a candle, warm up the lube, stretch those hips, and remember:
You’re still sexy.
You’re still curious.
You still got it.
Now go prove it—gently.
With admiration and a standing ovation (from a safe ergonomic chair),
Yours in Love, Laughs, and Latex-Free Fun,
Dr. Vernon Brown, The Dunbar Shade Tree PhD
President, Society for the Preservation of Grown-Up Giggles & Bedroom Shenanigans
